Happy Thursday everyone i do hope you are all well.
I have been wanting to write this for the past 2 weeks but couldn’t get my head in the right frame of mind to get across what i wanted to say.
2 weeks ago tomorrow i woke up with awful anxiety i didn’t want to get out of bed, get dressed, look at my phone, watch the tv i just wanted to leave the curtains shut all day and hide under my duvet like the old days when i suffered like this except today was different i knew i felt sad but couldn’t explain why i felt lost inside my own brain and body like its didn’t belong to me and then all of a sudden it hit me (like a ton of bricks) i had my 1st panic attack in years and i forgot how horrible they are i felt weak, drained, dizzy, heart was racing, i was crying i felt like i didn’t know where i was my palms where sweating i felt sick with cramps if was awful to feel this way again after so long i felt i had let myself down as i thought i had overcome this years ago but obviously not.
My mum was due to go out but she didn’t want to leave me on my own so stayed with me until i fell to sleep and became rested back in my room which was my comfort zone where i felt safe, for all that weekend my moods where up and down and i didn’t leave the house once for fear of having another panic attack yet this time in public.
6 years ago when i became to suffer with depression, anxiety, panic attacks and ocd i had regular counselling for CBT which is cognitive behavoural therapy my therapist was hands down Amazing and she made me become myself again which i never thought would be possible after living with this for 8 months.
Living with anxiety never goes away you just learn to live with it, it can come at any time in your life when you least expect it and it hangs over you like a cloud so for people around me they knew when it was present as i am so happy, outgoing, confident and very determined yet when i get anxious or panicked i become a shell of myself and hate being around people i get shy, stay quiet become emotional at everything and give off an ora to people which is very cold hearted this is why i say i am either (Sunshine or Showers) there is never an in between for me.
I am no longer on medication for anxiety or depression as i didn’t want to rely on something for the rest of my life to make me better i wanted to do it on my own having the set back a couple of weeks ago i could have called mr dr and told him and he would have gave me beta blockers or diazepam which i was on 6 years ago but instead i read my help books and the Charles Linden method book and it prompted me again to think things differently and more positively.
There is a stigma talking about these issues and i hate it because we shouldn’t feel ashamed of this as it affects more of us than we think we all suffer serious things in our life’s which we learn to cope with and become stronger for it, if you are you know someone who is living with this then know you are not alone and people do want to help as they say if you don’t ask you wont get.
Look at it this way do you want to restrict yourself from living the life you want to live than the life your anxiety is letting you live i know i didn’t want to be controlled by that and thats why i still read these help books to remind myself not to let it control me as i need to be in control and have the power.
My Tips on what i do to keep it at bay;
- Put on a film (distract yourself to not think about it)
- Go for a walk (fresh air is the best for anxiety and feeling panicked)
- Listen to music (create a playlist of your favourite songs and sing along)
- Be creative (i am a crafter and love drawing or making things i find this helps me alot)
- Go for an afternoon nap (resting throughout the day is sometimes whats needed)
- Have a relaxing bath (this make your body relax and you sleep better at night)
- Talk (tell people around you how your feeling so they can help)
- Read (self help cbt, anxiety, Charles linden books they help)
- Fight (pick fight over flight as they makes us stronger for facing our fears and anxiousness)
- Breath (take deep breaths as it feels like your having a heart attack but its the body defending whats happening)
- Positive (be as positive as you can look for the good in every day)
I do hope this has helped reading my experience with anxiety and how i try to keep it at bay or face it when it happens.
I do have a youtube channel now; natural blonde
I was thinking of turning my experience of this in to a video on my channel let me know if you would be interested in seeing this or let me know how you deal with anxiety and panic attacks be good to hear from you.
Thanks for reading x