Happy Christmas Eve everybody.
I am far from feeling festive or in any sort of Christmasy mood, i think its hard when you dont have your own house and can do things how you would like, living in a bedroom at my parents isn’t what i had in mind as i want to feel festive films on cuddled on the sofa with treats, chocolates and buffet foods, i build it up in my head that Christmas is better than what it is but its just a deadline of making sure everything is done there is no fun and enjoyment in it anymore for me anyway.
So this past week has been quite boring as i don’t feel like i have done anything as i have avoided public places for how busy they all are.
Monday; Me and Dan attempted to go to Mansfield to Sainsburys to get some bits in we wanted but it was so busy we couldn’t get a space and we drove to Tesco instead which was still busy but not as bad the annoying thing was they hardly had anything i wanted to get so had to go without, we then came back and made some lunch and chilled out watching vlogs we had to catch up with.
Tuesday; I felt ill again with my stomach as it was still bloating even though i was sticking to my fodmap and gluten free foods i was still getting a reaction which was getting me down, i decided to call my dietician to go back and see her as something is no longer working and i need other food options, i also made an appointment to go back to the drs for more tests to be done as this is unresolved and its still not been pinpointed to what issues i am having in my digestive system.
Wednesday; This for me was the worst day i had had in ages with my anxiety going through the roof, i had a panic attack which drained my energy and not only that but i had 1hr 10 mins sleep all night as i was wide awake panicking and worrying in bed, i felt so low and my mind was all over the place, i haven’t felt like this for a couple of years and every thing is stressing me out atm or getting to me more than it should (anyone who deals with both anxiety and depression know how hard it is to switch off and try and relax its easier said than done) my mum did buy me some flowers to cheer me up and make me smile which they did.
Thursday; I got 6hours sleep still not great but since living at my parents i have had 1 good nights sleep as my dad wakes early for wok which wakes me up and then i struggle to get back to sleep as i am not used to being woken at 3am every week day, i decided to paint my nails ready for Christmas today in the Tanya Burr red glitter polish as its festive, i completed wrapping the presents up and we have got through 10 rolls of wrapping paper this year next year people can have a gift bag as i might be a creative person but i hate wrapping presents up, we also watched the film Curly sue which is a classic and even Dan enjoyed it as he had never seen it before.
Friday; Christmas eve eve and i decided to bake some shortbread biscuits using my new cutters i got from home bargains in festive shapes, i put some mini party sausage rolls in too for everyone to eat as thats always a food i associate with Christmas and buffets, today i started to take some new tablets from Boots for my stomach which should help me digest food as it gets stuck in my digestive system and makes me bloat or sick so i am hoping these will help until i see my dietician in January.
Today is Christmas eve and we are watching films on the tv and later we have our Christmas eve bags to open with treats in for later and new pjs for me, Dan is ill and has a cold which is the same as what he had last Christmas so he is feeling far from festive and so am i.
Thank you for reading and i wish you all a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year x